for Calling The Counseling Hotline!
Please listen carefully to the following simple instructions:
If you have a Nervous Disorder, just fidget with the Pound Button until a representative comes on the line.
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If you are Obsessive-Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
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If you are Codependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
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If you have Multiple Personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
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If you are Delusional, press 7, and your call will be transferred to the Little People in Zone 8.
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If you are Schizophrenic, listen carefully, and the voices will
tell you which number to press.
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If you are Paranoid, we know who you are. Stay on the line so we can finish tracing your call.